The Child Inside: Meeting and Loving the Child within
Sociologists state that we actually become mature adults around the age of sixty. If this is indeed the case, than for more then half of our lives we have been merely kids masquerading as adults in big bodies. We dutifully followed what we were told, drank the kool-aide falling in line with all of the responsibility not having a clue of what we are doing. We pretend to know who we are and what we are doing but in truth we are just plain scared little kids. All of the human race deserves Oscars. This lack of maturity is most blatant at high school reunions. Groups segregate, judge, and encourage others to buy their bullshit. The ‘cool’ kids still rule and everyone else sort of malingers within listening distance in hopes that they will finally be acknowledged and accepted.
Have you ever had a talk with your inner child?
I first met mine when I was married with two children and was in grad school. I had an affair with a professor who was much older and I fell under his spell as he called me “little one” in six exotic languages whispering “your ass looks like a juicy pear”. I had realized long before this that I had Daddy issues, but nothing prepared me for the feelings of safety that I felt in the arms of this wise and educated married man. Soon, out of the blue, we would role play and my inner child came out. When I was with this psychologist, I would introduce myself as ‘Julie Marie Nobody’ in a child’s voice. I would proclaim in that cocky Shirley Temple manner, “I have no last name because I have no Daddy.” She was four years old; a little bossy but very charming. She loved to sing, dance, and play make believe. ‘Julie Marie Nobody’ was enchanting and I allowed her presence in my conscious world knowing that she wanted to be heard and in a weird way the reason was for my benefit.
Going through the first steps of trauma recognition caused so many emotions. It was during those times, that I would visualize Julie swinging back and forth in the center of my heart explaining to her to slow down and relax. As I began to heal and revisit the story of my young life, I noticed that the Julie Marie had gone silent. Tears, anger, and feeling like a failure to my mother was now for me to face.
As I continued on my journey of finding me and observing my life from an adult perspective ,I remembered Julie and created a closed eye meditation to help both of us through the rugged terrain of darkness. My intention was to make sure that little girl wasn’t left alone to survive as I moved forwards.
By April Kirkwood, LPC
Therapist, Author, Speaker
Pinstripe Magazine Staff
Online Men’s Lifestyle Magazine on Gear, Grooming, Girls, Gadgets
