By Jessica Baum, LMHC
We all know that relationships can lift us up and also bring us to our knees. We’ve all felt the highs of being in love and the lows of being hurt. Relationship Issues! Love and the search for partnership are two of the most common things we all share, yet no one ever really teaches us what being in a real relationship means. Hard times and struggles are not normalized, but rather avoided. This leaves us ill-equipped for the inevitable challenges we will face, no matter how perfect our Ms. Right is. Below are the three most common things I see men struggle within their relationships.
Don’t end up with these relationship issues.
- Being the “fixer”: More often than not, men tend to want to fix things. They have been raised with the idea that if a problem or complaint comes up, it is their job to come up with a solution. However, often what women really want is a great listener. Learning to not jump to the solution and just listen can be a skill that needs to be developed, as many men will quickly jump to the logical solution. One way men can start to be better listeners is to share what they are hearing when their partner is venting, just by saying “I hear you saying…” That way the woman feels deeply heard. Another great tool is to learn to validate her feelings by saying “It makes sense you’re feeling down or upset, based on what you just shared.” Try to check your impulses if you want to fix things, and instead practice connecting more by active listing.
- Money: Traditionally, men have had more of the role as the provider and women had the role of caregiver. However, in our modern world that has changed. Men who lead with money to compensate for insecurities might find themselves attracting women who become dependent. Now, if you make more money, it is normal to invest a little more — and sure, it’s really nice to be taken on a beautiful date. But if the expectation is always on the man, I often see resentment build down the road. The partnership should feel like you’re both giving in whatever ways you can to support each other. Using money to give a woman security often backfires. It can end up creating control issues and fostering an imbalance of power in a relationship.
- Competing needs: This means you might need more alone time, while your partner needs more connection. Often, but not always, men need more space and down time, while women sometimes need more connection. Again, this is not always the case, but often women want to talk about their feelings when they are upset, while men can avoid feelings and seek time to process. Men often avoid without communicating that they need time, which causes more problems.
Let’s say you’re the partner who needs space. It would be helpful to reassure your partner by saying something like, “Hey honey, I love you very much. Right now, I need a little alone time to just decompress and think about this. But this is very important to me, so let’s talk about it after dinner.”
That way, your partner hears your needs while you also commit to a time where you’ll fulfill theirs, too.
While these are just three of the most common relationship problems I see men fall into, there are plenty more that are just as normal. What you need to remember is that they’re not only normal, but navigating them takes insight, awareness, patience, and love.
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About: Jessica Baum, LMHC is the founder of Relationship Institute of Palm Beach and creator of the Self-Full® method — a therapeutic path to personal wellness and freedom from codependence. Learn more at www.RelationshipsPB.com and www.JessicaBaumLMHC.com.
Pinstripe Magazine Staff
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