Dating in and of itself can be difficult. However, online dating can add a whole new level of challenge to the task. Part of the challenge of online dating is communicating who you really are or getting a realistic sense of who someone else is through a digital format. Online dating also opens up a whole new area of risks, which in turn, involve the need to protect your identity online. In addition, the world of online dating is full of inauthentic men who make life difficult for men who are genuinely seeking something more substantial than just a quick hook-up.
If you are looking for something more than a cheap, one-night-stand, here is a gentleman’s guide to online dating.
1. Know what you want to get from online dating.
Perhaps the biggest mistake men make when it comes to online dating is not having a clear sense of what they are looking for before they go looking. If you walk into the grocery store without a list, what are you most likely to end up with? That’s right, a cart full of cheap, easy-to-prepare junk food that is generally devoid of any nutrition or satisfaction.
While there’s nothing wrong with the occasional hot-pocket or pizza roll, what would you really enjoy more – a thick, juicy steak and a mashed potato oozing with butter and sour cream or a hot pocket?
If you prepare a list ahead of time, you will most likely end up with a cart full of items like steak and potatoes, brats and buns and real butter. The same is true of dating. Ultimately, you can’t find what you are looking for until you know what it is you are looking for. The more time you put into figuring out what you want in advance, the more likely you are to be satisfied with what you end up with.
2. Figure out what the person you are looking for is looking for.
If you decide you want a woman who is spontaneous and adventurous, she’s probably not going to be attracted to a range of pictures of you sitting on your couch with your beer or gaming with your buddies. Conversely, if mostly enjoy sitting on your couch drinking beer and gaming with your buddies, why are you looking for a women who is spontaneous and adventurous? Ultimately, you need to match your expectations up with what you have to offer.
If you want to get off your couch and out of your house, stop waiting for a woman to do the work of getting you there. Chances are, a woman that loves spontaneity and adventure is looking for a man to sweep her off her feet and whisk her off on an adventure, not take on the project of turning you into that man. If that’s the kind of woman you are looking for, you need to become the man she is looking for before you go looking for her.
3. Be honest with yourself about who you are, so you can present yourself honestly.
No matter what kind of person you are or what kind of things you enjoy doing, there is always a tendency to believe you will be more attractive if you were a different kind of person or enjoyed different things. Keep in mind, no matter what kind of person you are or what you enjoy, we all have a tendency to feel this way.
If you lie about who you are – either to yourself or online – then what you will find is women who are attracted to exactly the kind of man you are not. If you want to find a woman who is attracted to exactly the kind of man you are, be honest about who you are. Stop worrying about what kind of man “women” are attracted to (hint: all women are attracted to all different kinds of men) and just aim to find the woman who is attracted to you by being honest about who that is.
4. Learn to take rejection in stride.
Some of the wealthiest, successful and handsome men in the world, from Bill Gates to Mark Zuckerberg to Justin Timberlake have all been turned down for dates. Sometimes the most successful people are not successful because they never took no for an answer, but because they learned how to handle rejection well. Sometimes women – just like men – can say no for the pettiest of reasons that have nothing to do with you.
A few years ago, actor and singer Hillary Duff participated in a blind date challenge. Men were allowed to ask her questions about herself, but they didn’t know who they were asking the questions of. One man dropped out when she said she was looking for a man who made her laugh and two more lost interest when she said she wasn’t interested in a man who was unemployed. People can be shallow and that applies to women as well as men. Learn to think of rejection as dodging a bullet rather than a negative assessment of your personal value or worth.
While the internet and dating apps may give you access to a broader pool of eligible women, it doesn’t narrow down the number of women that you are actually compatible with. If all you are looking for is a one-night-stand, the pool of women to choose from is vast. If you are looking for someone you actually connect with on a deeper level, however, that may take some time. Be patient, however, because if and when you find that person, it can make all the hard work more than worth the effort.
