Mr. L. Rx is the author of the popular DatingToRelating.com website and the author of the popular book “Dating To Relating – From A To Z.” Have a question? Send it to Column@DatingToRelating.com and it may be selected for answer in this column. (Sorry all questions can not be answered.)
Question: Why do girls flirt with you and when you flirt back they push it away. Its so confusing!!!
Answer: First of all, women have different personalities. What you are describing is a type of personality not all women in general. The personality type that usually does this kind of behavior is a little insecure. They are testing the water, but they don’t really want to jump in.
The best way to handle this personality type when you see it is not to react, not to take the bait so to speak. Let the girl flirt all she wants, let her take the lead. Let her control how the relationship goes. If you don’t react, she will get comfortable with you and steepen the gradient over time. If you react (flirt back) she will usually run away.
Problem is, however, people with similar or compatible personalities tend to hang out together. So sometimes you can get the impression that the whole world is one way, when in fact it may be only a certain percentage of people who are like that. So if you tend to think ALL women are one way. Change your environment, go somewhere different. Meet different people in different situations and perhaps you will discover different personality types and perhaps one that is more compatible with you.
Now having said that, let’s look at it from a different angle. Women in general like flirting for fitting’s sake more then men do. Men will flirt because they are interested in a woman. Women will flirt to see if they get a reaction, to see if they are looking good and are desirable, even when they are not interested in a man. They will flirt with a guy they are only interested in being friends with.
One way to get better control of these situations is to look at all the communication channels that a woman is using to communicate – Like verbal, emotional, physical, mental, and sexual communications.
When a women likes you she is likely to communicate that she likes you across all of the communications channels. When she is just playing around she will give you conflicting communications. So when you see a woman flirting with you, but she does not back up the flirting by showing you she likes you across ALL the communication channels – don’ t take the flirtation seriously.
Mr. L. Rx
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Copyright 2009 by Dating To Relating, Inc.
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